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Finding out that one of your children is a victim of bullying can be very difficult. If you suspect one of your children is being bullied at school, it is important to take action. Inaction can have harmful effects on the victim. Some of these effects include:

• Serious psychological and behavioral problems, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, suicide,           violence and criminal behavior;
• Physical problems, such as headaches, dizziness and stomachaches;
• Poor grades;
• Becoming fearful; and
• Developing the belief that adults are not in control or are uncaring.

Signs that Your Child is Being Bullied

Children often will not tell parents about being bullied because they are embarrassed or ashamed; afraid of revenge from the bully; or do not believe that the situation will change if they report it. Since it may be difficult for a child to tell a parent he or she is being bullied, there are many signs parents can identify.

The signs below may or may not be an indication of bullying. But if parents see these signs, they should consider bullying as a possible reason for the behavior:

• Your child comes home from school with torn or dirty clothing or damaged books;
• Your child has cuts, bruises or scratches;
• Your child has few, if any, friends or playmates;
• Your child seems afraid to go to school, or complains of headaches or stomach pains;
• Your child does not sleep well or has bad dreams;
• Your child loses interest in schoolwork;
• Your child seems sad, depressed or moody;
• Your child is anxious or has poor self-esteem; or
• Your child is quiet, sensitive or passive.

If your child is showing any of these warning signs, you should talk to them to find out the cause and then talk to your child’s teacher or principal.

How to Help a Child that is Being Bullied

If you believe your child is being bullied or if your child brings up the subject, it is important for you to take action. Below are some steps you can take:

• Report the matter to school officials – If you suspect bullying, report the behavior and make it clear that you want an investigation. You should always contact school officials if you believe an incident involves a student conduct issue that is affecting your child’s education and well-being at school.

• Document ongoing bullying – Team with your child to keep a record of all bullying incidents. If the behavior involves cyberbullying, keep a record of all messages or postings. Do not erase or change any electronic files. 

• Talk with your child – Give your child undivided attention.

• Empathize with your child – Reinforce that bullying is wrong, that it is not your child’s fault, and that you are glad they had the courage to tell you about it.

• Develop solutions together – Work together to find solutions and provide positive ideas for ways to respond to bullying. Help your child gain confidence by rehearsing the responses.

• Be persistent – Bullying, especially ongoing bullying, may not be stopped in one attempt.

• Stay alert to other problems – Some of the warning signs for bullying might actually be indicators of other serious problems.

• Cooperate with school staff – Partner with school staff and stay informed of investigations to be sure the process is being followed.

What Not to Do if You Believe Your Child is Being Bullied

It can be challenging to know the most helpful things to do and say if your child is being bullied. Some things a parent should not do include the following:

• Do not tell your child to ignore the bullying – The message your child might “hear” is that you do not take his or her concerns seriously or do not care about his or her safety and well-being. Ignoring or downplaying bullying often encourages it to continue or to become more serious. Instead, be supportive and gather information about the bullying.

• Do not blame your child for being bullied – Do not assume that your child did something to cause the bullying. The actions of a child might start a conflict, but this is not the case with bullying, where the child is the victim of unwanted and uninvited aggression.

• Do Not encourage your child to harm or “get back at” the person who is bullying them – This could get your child hurt, suspended or expelled from school or sent to court.

• Do not contact the parents of the students who bullied your child – This might make matters worse by increasing the pressure on your child, increasing the bullying or bringing about bullying from the parent. School officials should contact the parents of the involved student(s).

• Do not demand or expect a solution right away – Indicate that you want to determine the best course of action, but need to be sure that your child is safe. Also, be aware that the investigation process limits the ability of school staff from revealing information on the students who might be involved in the situation, including the disciplinary actions taken against other students. The law preventing school officials from giving you details of other students does not mean appropriate action has not been taken.